How to Get Your Kids to do Chores
Today's blog's focus is on the art of earned rewards. Reflecting on the foundational exercises we had—where we envisioned our desires for our children and identified corresponding rewards—I want to share a story that completely reshaped my parenting approach.
The Shift in Perspective
I used to think my kids’ lack of focus or occasional grumpiness came down to hunger. I’d ensure they were well-fed before asking them to tackle tasks. Yet, despite my best efforts, their motivation remained inconsistent.
That’s when Thomas shared an analogy that changed everything:
Parenting is like running a business. Imagine paying your workers on Friday, hoping they’ll show up on Monday. It’s a reversal of the usual work-first, get-paid system.
This insight revealed a powerful truth: my approach, while well-intentioned, lacked the structure of earning. Meals, which were being provided freely, could instead become meaningful checkpoints tied to simple accomplishments.
Shifting from Mere Rewards to Earned Privileges
With this new perspective, we transformed our household dynamics. Here’s how we did it:
Define Clear Expectations
Start small with manageable tasks like putting away toys before lunch or hanging up jackets after school.
Communicate these tasks positively, framing them as opportunities to earn.
Use Natural Checkpoints
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner became our "payroll days." These natural pauses in the day provided moments to set expectations, offer guidance, and celebrate successes.
Create Meaningful Rewards
Rewards don’t need to be extravagant. In our case, garlic toast at dinner became a highly coveted prize for completing chores and schoolwork.
Tailor rewards to your child’s preferences—this increases their motivation and engagement.
A Breakthrough Moment
One day, my 15-year-old son, who often struggled with motivation and self-esteem, surprised us all. He took on the challenge of completing his schoolwork and chores, driven by the prospect of earning his favorite reward. The pride he felt wasn’t just about the garlic toast—it was about overcoming personal challenges and earning his success.
This shift from giving to earning cultivated a sense of ownership and accomplishment, strengthening his confidence and our family bond.
The Power of Starting Fresh
It’s important to note that this approach isn’t about punishment or taking things away. Instead, it’s about starting fresh every day, giving children the opportunity to earn privileges and feel the pride of achieving their goals.
