How to Create an Environment That Empowers and Inspires Your Kids
Why do kids act out the minute you ask them to do something? The answer lies in understanding the environment we create for our children and how it shapes their behaviors.
The Power of Environment
Recently, I came across a humorous meme on Facebook:
“When I get old, I’m moving in with my kids. I’ll watch their TV, eat their food, use all their stuff, and never pick up after myself.”
At first, I chuckled. But since learning key principles from Tom, that joke now feels like fingernails on a chalkboard. Why? Because I understand the deeper truth: Our kids are mastering the environment we create for them.
Creating the Right Environment
Tom shared an analogy that resonates deeply:
"Every child is a joy to be around when the correct environment is created."
Think of it this way: mold thrives in dark, damp spaces. Change the environment—introduce light, warmth, and airflow—and the mold disappears. The same principle applies to your home. If certain behaviors from your kids frustrate you, the environment may need an adjustment.
From Chaos to Cooperation
When I first met Tom, I had four kids aged 6 to 13. My home felt like chaos. After work, I’d find them sprawled on the couch, watching TV and eating snacks. I’d retreat to my bedroom just to have some peace.
Tom taught me to view privileges differently. Things like TV time, snacks, and sleepovers weren’t rights—they were privileges. By shifting this mindset, I began to see immediate changes:
TV became a reward earned through effort.
Snacks were tied to responsibility, like tidying up after school.
Sleepovers transformed into motivators, achieved through cooperation and chores.
The freedom this gave me as a parent was life-changing.
A Breakthrough Moment
One Saturday morning, my once-defiant 11-year-old daughter, who used to demand privileges without lifting a finger, surprised me. She knocked on my door with breakfast in bed—pancakes, juice, and a clean living room—all without being asked.
Why the change? She had learned that effort leads to rewards. She had earned a sleepover and, in doing so, discovered the joy of creating positive outcomes for herself and others.
The Psychology of Privileges
Tom explains this beautifully:
"When something is given without effort, we feel grateful at first. But over time, it breeds entitlement. When that thing is earned, it brings pride, motivation, and life skills."
By teaching your kids how to earn privileges through small, manageable steps, you equip them with tools to create their own happiness—now and in the future.
Simple Steps to Transform Your Home
Redefine Privileges
Make a list of items or activities your kids enjoy: TV, snacks, sleepovers, screen time.
Communicate that these are privileges, not entitlements.
Set Clear Expectations
Tie privileges to achievable tasks. For example:
TV time is earned by tidying their room.
A snack is earned by finishing homework.
Celebrate Success
When your child meets expectations, acknowledge their effort. Celebrate their success with enthusiasm and gratitude.
Stay Consistent
It’s tempting to give in during tough moments. Stay the course, knowing that this approach builds long-term skills and resilience.
Why This Matters
When children understand that their actions lead to positive outcomes, they become empowered to take responsibility for their happiness. They learn the value of effort, the joy of giving, and the pride of achieving.
As parents, this creates a home environment filled with fun, peace, and harmony.
Share the Knowledge
If this approach resonates with you, share it with others. Let’s spread the word and raise a generation of champion kids who inspire each other to thrive.
